Songs can come out anywhere, anytime. I think they gestate inside of me for a while until they find the right time and way to come out. I wrote this bass line while I was on the floor of Bass Player Live out in Los Angeles in October. I was fiddling with the new Source Audio Programmable EQ and apparently thinking about The Who. Some of the musical motifs in it have definitely been trying to fight their way into existing songs but not quite fitting.
I’m not sure where this one is going to go, but I love how it sounds. For the time being, I’ll be listening to it and writing melodies on top of it. Since I’ve got the blog rolling again, I thought it would be pretty cool to share this one with you right from the absolute beginning of its creation.
The cool thing about Source Audio is that this clip will be in my bass demo video for the Programmable EQ. That’s where a lot of my song ideas have gone to die though…gotta be careful with that early gratification.
What does this song sound like it’s about to you? What should the lyrics focus on?
By the way…How EXCELLENT does that sound file look?
As you can see from a few of the other posts on this site, I’ve had the music for this song kicking around for a while. It took me a while to figure out the right lyrical concept that matched the intense melancholy of the music.
I found the right subject at the wake of a friend’s mother who died unexpectedly. It was an awful, awful event in their life and even though I went through the experience of suddenly losing my dad, I had no idea what to say or do to help.
We sat in a circle at the funeral home and one at a time, people began to share memories about my friend’s mother. I struggled to figure out what I was going to say if that wave of condolences hit my seat and all eyes in the room fell on me. I didn’t know her at all. I never met her and I wasn’t there for her…I was there for my friend. His life had just been completely blown apart and I had come to be there for him. But what does that mean, to be there for someone?
I looked around me and saw some other friends who had come to this tiny funeral home in New England from as far away as France and Africa to be there for him. I realized that the best thing I could do was to point that out, as obvious as it may have been. We had all come so far for him because we knew that what had just happened had literally blown his life apart and we were there because we each held a piece of him.
The pieces we held were our memories of him, the shared experiences and memories in our minds that build the story and character of this person that we love. Even though the person we loved in him may be gone after this experience, we were there to let him know who he was to us. He could take it or leave it. He decides how he pieces himself back together. He decides who he wants to be.
That’s the remarkable thing about intense loss like that. You pick up the pieces. You decide the person you’ll become.
Thankfully, I was never asked or expected to say anything. The idea stuck with me though and it eventually became this song. The idea grew from there. I thought about how I felt when I was dealing with my loss and how I felt at so many of the other funerals I’ve had the misfortune of attending. In the end, ‘The Parts That Build You Back’ is my song for anyone who finds themself walking into a funeral home with no idea what to do. I hope that it will help them find a narrative for an awful event that has the power to heal.
The Parts That Build You Back
Your strength, your story, your home, your sense of pride
taken on the day she died.
My God what a hole inside…
I can feel the hurt of the words you heard
that blew your life away,
echoing in all you say.
So when you stare down to that void, think of me
racing to you with pieces of you, the parts that build you back.
So all that your heart beat for can hum in your soul once more.
Hmmm…
No I don’t know the pain that broke you down to pieces
But I will make you whole again.
I don’t need to understand.
I’m holding in my hands those word you once said,
‘nothings gonna break me down, even if it all just fails’
You see, I’m keeping that until you want it back
It’s tied tight to your name, stronger than the sharpest pain
and when you know who you’ll become, think of me
Standing by you with pieces of you, the parts that build you back
So all that your heart beat for can hum in your soul once more.
No I don’t know the pain that broke you down to pieces
Here is the latest version of ‘Run, Baby, Run’. It is a long standing work in progress originally titled ‘South Hero’ that is about getting the EFFFFF out of the city. Am I right????
Anyways, I’d say the writing phase of this one is pretty much completed as of now. Just need to add in some drums. I recorded this with Logic Pro, a Babicz Identity guitar, Fodera Monarch bass and a bluebird microphone.
Here’s something I want to say about it so far: I was working on laying down bass lines for the track when I heard the melodic riff that comes in every now and then so I played it. Then the outro came where I’ve left room for some sort of solo and I decided to just jump on in and sing on my bass because there was no one there to judge me…and you know what…I kind of dig it. I like the sound of it. I’m thinking about maybe doing that more. It sounds good to me and no one else is doing it in songs like this (at least to my knowledge). What do you think? Keep the tasty bass solos or go the conventional route? (Loaded phrasing I know).
I decided to just go ahead and lay down an acoustic performance of a song I’ve been kicking around the last couple of weeks. Just ship it out and see how it does.
This song is called ‘South Hero’ and it is an expression of how living in the city sometimes makes me feel like I’m compromising on all of the things that used to be so important to me. Now it’s all about keeping up and trying to navigate through the noise.
The chorus is a fantasy of Vermont. Where I’ve been going with my girlfriend Alyssa these past two summers to just be the way I used to be, want to be and am supposed to be. Every time I play this song, I’m singing to her.
The lyrics:
South Hero
This town is holding on to me.
It brings me down to compromise
on all my plans I’ve held since I was just a starlit night
in my father’s eyes.
But city lights, they burn right through the sky
on every night when the stars should shine.
I’ve closed my eyes to hide from all the signs.
They list a price, they steal my mind.
So I’ve been thinking…
Our hearts are waiting on us to make up our minds.
Let’s get out, just get out
While we’ve got time
Let’s run, baby…
Run for the hills
The wind will take us to our better selves.
Lay me down in those fields
where the clouds we name are the only thing that’s real.
Your soul is tired ’cause work takes everything
you used to have to feel alive.
Walk for miles through suits and heels and noise
to pay the price of what you can’t enjoy.
So I’ve been thinking…
Our hearts are waiting on us to make up our minds.
Let’s get out, just get out
While we’ve got time.
Let’s run, baby…
Run for the hills
The wind will take us to our better selves.
Lay me down in those fields
where the love we make is the only thing that’s real.
This track is the instrumental version of one of my most recent songs that I am working on. The song is called ‘The Hum’ and it is about that deepest, most central part of who we are that cannot be described. The lyrics:
Every day he wakes up and he fights,
trying to control his world
But all of his tricks just fail.
As he builds a past, his mirror asks
Who are you right now?
He never knows…
just stares into his eyes until he
hears it in him, breathing through him
The Hum that calls him back
‘What are you fighting for?
Who are you living for?’
(Hmmmmmmmmmm)
The girl she waits until her moment’s right
Then she’s gonna start her life
She never seems to find the time
As the nights go past, her pillow asks
Who are you right now?
She never knows…
Just stares into the night until she
Hears it in her, breathing through her
The Hum that calls her back
‘What are you waiting for?
Who are you living for?’
(Hmmmmmmmmmm)
I use this track to practice my vocals and to write melodies with as I drive to and from work. I’m not sure if the idea to do this came from my own mind or if I read it somewhere, but it’s nothing short of miraculous in that it seems to create practice time out of thin air. The privacy of a car is so definite when you cruising down the highway at 80 mph. It seems like a good idea to use that privacy for something other than picking my nose.
The gig at Source Audio is a fulfilling one. Making pedal demos is nice because I get to showcase my bass playing in a way that is so isolated in comparison to how it’s heard in the context of a band and people are really noticing it. The job keeps me moving around the world between Boston, Los Angeles, Nashville and Frankfurt allowing me to meet and build relationships with people who are literally the world’s best bass players and musicians. The access I get to concerts is surreal. I get to be right there at these shows where creative people are putting their ideas into action and the crowds are loving it. I get to bear direct witness to the work and emotions of the people who are functioning at the level I have always wanted to be at.
The truth of the matter is, though, that every day I wake up and I feel that I’m not truly putting one foot in front of the other unless I am creating something from my heart…and most days I’m not. When I was playing with The Help, I felt fulfilled because while I couldn’t always relate to or stand behind the lyrics and melodies and therefore the conceptual center of the work due to the fact that it originated from another mind (that of Alex Gaynor), I was able to write the most passionate blocks of music I could muster on a near daily basis and know that it would be received by a growing audience. I was somehow squeezing my own story in there; channeling something from my heart, and that felt right. What’s more, I knew that my band was a stepping stone to the rest of my career when my real expression would begin.
The end of The Help came in the way that most things end…after I could see it coming, but before I was ready for it. My bass playing was where I wanted it to be because that’s what I’ve been leaning on for the past 11 years. My songwriting was getting there, my guitar playing was solid but my voice needed a lot of work. I loved the character of my voice, but I knew that I needed to sharpen my ability to maintain pitch and to get the breathing right and…to be able to sing with my voice like I can sing on my bass. Mindless. I just wasn’t ready to take the leap.
The point of this blog was to be completely utterly transparent about my artistic life and I have not kept that promise I made to myself (and to you, Internet). The truth is, I’ve been keeping a lot hidden. I’ve been writing my ass off this past year and I simply haven’t shared it because I have not felt ‘ready’. Well, I’m still not ready, but it’s time share (or as Seth Godin would say, it’s time to ‘ship’). The truth is, I could die tomorrow and what a shame it would be that I never got to share even a sliver of my conception of reality because I was just too embarrassed to put it out there.
Last week I debuted some songs that I’d written a while ago at what I consider my first open mic at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge, MA. There were times during the performance where I felt like I was blowing it and I wanted nothing more than to put my guitar down and run away. Still, there were also times where I disappeared into the performance of my song. Listening back to those moments, I can hear where it happens…where it all seems to click a little more and the crowd feels like they are with me. Now I just need to grab that moment and make it bigger! If it lasted 10 seconds last time, maybe I can make it last 30 seconds the next time until I can make it last the whole song…until I can make it last the whole show.
So here you are, my two songs from The Lizard Lounge open mic. If you hear something I need to work on or something that you think is going well, please leave a comment and let me know. A little guidance goes a long way for someone trying to figure it out on their own.
One of my young students, Blake, has a great natural talent for manipulating the sounds of a guitar. I’ve been working with him on developing his knowledge of scales and theory and then applying that to this talent and he’s been making some great progress over the past few months.
You can see Blake using the Source Audio Hot-Hand which I brought over for him to play with since it is right up his alley. Recording videos like this is an extremely beneficial tool for any student of music and performing to see and hear how we actually come across to the world. Not mention the fact that it helps the battle of getting past the shyness!
So this is where it gets tough. I’ve kind of realized three entries into this that videoblogs are a lot like getting a tattoo. All of the people around you say “okay…” and then they act kind of quiet about it and then you’re stuck with it forever. The hope is that that is a good thing.
I recorded this video for myself. This is an old song that I wrote for my younger cousin Jackie when our family was going through a tough time. It feels very distant to me now since it was written during another phase of my life all together and that makes performing it very challenging. However, it is always helpful for me to play through an old song before trying to embark on a writing session. It’s like a wall I’ve got to climb to get into that place.
This was the first lead singing I’ve done in months, really. My voice needs a lot of practice and so does my performance technique. It’s been too long since I have actually played through and sang a song in it’s entirety. I couldn’t do it last night which was frustrating, but it’s all part of the process. If you watch it through until the end, you’ll see me get pissed off and turn off the camera after my voice tires out.
I’m going naked. These video blogs are happening. As in I’m making them. They’re all the rage maybe? I don’t care. I’ve convinced myself that it’s what I need to do.
The Help is done at least for now and that means it’s time do what I’ve been wanting to do for about 5 years now, which is to transcend being a bassist and to expand my identity to higher levels of musicianship.
I’ve been writing my own songs for a while, but making that ultimate leap just…never happened. It’s the attitude. I don’t have it yet. The challenge of being able to truly believe it when you say the words “I am a songwriter and these are my songs” is by no means an easy one.
So the video blogs begin! I’ve decided to do them and I’ve decided to document my progress in my writing, my musicianship and my job as candidly as I can. I’ve realized that I keep telling myself I will share my music when it’s finally ready, but that never happens and maybe never will. If it goes well, it brings attention and energy to each of these work streams in my life. So, here it is.
Whether or not this is actually for sincere, artistic reasons or some sick inner exhibitionist motive remains to be seen. Until we figure that out, be nice to me, Internet.
